We have been married, and mostly happily married, since 1987. Early in our marriage T (my wife) and I decided to raise a family and more importantly that T would be a stay-at-home-mom. Wow, what a great decision for our kids, but it kinda doomed our marriage to many years of trials and tribulations. Sounds bad, not really, it’s just that I had to do a lot of traveling over the years, and work many (many) late nights and weekends. Therefore, T took charge and kept the family moving forward and I participated when and where I could. We drifted apart, more so in the last 5 years or so...
Over the years, we have struggled (debated, and not always a healthy debate) with the typical stuff, life .... money .... plans ... friends ... kids .... lifestyle choices.... etc. Ultimately, we both have shut down and have become withdrawn from each other and our marriage. We still get along, but due to the "historical" factor (and yes I made many mistakes) we have been at an impasse, and not moving forward together as we both know we should.
Divorce is NOT an option for me, nor for T .... She might not admit that but some of our history has created a bond between us that can never be broken. Don't get me wrong, she is free to move on, but as she says "where would she go" (not literally).
Many years ago I noticed that our biggest issues were related to decision making, I am naturally dominant (arrogant, if you ask some) and T is NOT naturally submissive. She was taught at a early age NOT to depend on anyone to get through life. Being who I am, I started reading and researching things that might help. I ran across two books, one for me (Surrender to Marriage) and one for T (The Surrendered Wife). I tried for a while to get this to work, but there was something missing..... DD. The issue is, without a way for the dominant partner to maintain discipline, all is lost.
Fast forward to July 2011, I re-introduced the Surrendered Wife concept to T, but this time with a twist. Or should I say a "side" of DD/TTWD. After a few conversations, the 4 D's, some additional rules, and some goals for the future, we are on the "road" to DD, a slow but mostly good start.
It is my hope that T will post here more than me, we will see. One of her rules is to read about DD at least two hours per week. BTW, T is a spank-no ...... more to come.
